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I have now become so popular with other retail houses, I need to buy a second mailbox to accommodate the number of promotions and catalogs coming to my home each day in the mail.

One recent arrival is the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, billed as offering "the best, the only and the unexpected for 158 years." With Mother's Day approaching, and Father's Day not far behind, I thought it worthwhile to peruse the offerings in the hope of finding that perfect gift.

Take for example, the remote controlled UFO for $199.99. Featuring a lightweight carbon fiber frame with four individual gyro-stabilized motors, this fun little gadget can roll, pitch, yaw and throttle. If your dad is like mine, he might enjoy yawing certain neighbors out of their homes with a UFO hovering just above the roof.

Also available is the world's brightest flashlight. This handy device is visible from more than six miles away and is "six times as bright as the lighthouse at Montauk Point, New York." If an asteroid collided with the sun and rendered total darkness over the planet, then that would be the time to let the big round face on this baby smile. It's also tempting to take it on that next group camping trip and pull it out around midnight after everyone's had five or six beers. "Quick! Everybody on your knees! It's the second coming of Christ!"

The watch vault, with its Plexiglas window, can handsomely store up to five wristwatches. The nickel-finished key lock helps prevent unauthorized access. However, at only 3 inches high by 11 inches wide and 4 inches deep, it doubles as a convenient underarm carrying case for thieves who wish to steal five watches at a time.

Here's another novel idea: The G-Man convertible travel jacket. For $229.95 you can have all the hidden conduits you'd ever need to store your keys, your wallet, your cell phone, your iPod and 36 other electronic devices. The only problem is remembering where you put your keys, your wallet, your cell phone, your iPod and the other 36 electronic devices.

The remote control golf ball; now this is a great gift. The next time mom or dad is out on the green, they can put the remote in their hand just before they wrap around the putter. It's guaranteed to eliminate the need for mulligans and can even make the ball roll, pitch, hover, yaw and throttle, just like a UFO.

The solar-powered, self-cooling pith helmet is another must-have beauty: $49.95 will buy you a genuine, linen straw pith helmet equipped with four small solar panels on top, which power a miniature fan built into the brim, directing cool winds toward your brow. Ideal for watching in total comfort the faces of fellow golfers staring in disbelief as your ball takes an unbelievable path into the hole.

And don't overlook the battery powered, hand-held, rotisserie-style marshmallow stick. Dad will need this utensil to evenly toast those marshmallows on that camping trip. Lose it in the dark? No problem. Just turn on the world's most powerful flashlight and you'll be able to find it - even if it's been misplaced six miles away.

Last but not least - the portable whirlpool spa. At 89 pounds, it can go anywhere and inflates in minutes. The turbojet heaters will provide soothing relief to those tired, overworked muscles of yours after you pump the 250 gallons of water you need to ensure the ultimate in mobile relaxation.

Yours for $899.95.

Bullington is senior policy adviser and director of New Mexico government relations for the Brownstein, Hyatt & Farber law firm. He writes this column weekly.