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The Linz: Bulletproof recruits: Beware of Bambi and Tiffany
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The Linz has decided to put out a recruiting guide for prospective Lobos whom might be interesting in partying, er, playing for coach Rocky 3rd-And-Long's Lobos.
The Helpful One has decided to toss out these guidelines after reading about a UNM football recruit who was shot outside a local strip club during an official visit.
The Linz is assuming the official visit was to UNM and not to the strip club.
The Linz wants to make it clear that The Great One was not at that particular nightclub on the evening of the shooting and doesn't even know any dancers named Bambi and Tiffany.
The Linz thinks he might have been in church. All The Linz remembers of that night is that The Generous One left his house with a pocketful of $1 bills and returned broke.
The Linz definitely contributed to something worthwhile.
Anyway, here is The Linz's list of tips. The Great One is calling it "Recruiting Trips for Tackling Dummies: The Dos and The Don'ts."
List of things to bring:
Bulletproof vest.
Kevlar-lined pants
Lots of $1 bills.
Bail money.
Directions to at least four emergency rooms.
Phone number for local lawyer.
Fake ID.
Tourniquet
First aid kit.
Things you should not bring:
Books.
Questions for an adviser.
Your parents.
Your sister.
Your homework.
Your coat and tie.
Good judgment.
Places you should expect to visit:
Downtown Albuquerque.
The Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen's Club.
Misty's Hideaway
Chapter II Show Club
TD's.
An emergency room.
Places you should not expect to visit:
A museum.
An art exhibit.
A Sunday worship service.
The UNM campus.
A library.
A classroom.
People you should expect to see:
Bambi.
Tiffany.
The Linz.
An emergency room attendant.
A judge.
A bail bondsman.
People you should not expect to see:
A UNM academic adviser.
A UNM professor.
A minister.
A nun.
Things you should expect to see:
A stripper pole.
Spiked high heels.
A bartender.
Partying future teammates.
Your name in the newspaper, but not in the Sports section.
Words you should expect to hear:
"Last call."
"Keep your hands off the girls."
"Look out, I'm running the light."
"Duck."
"It's only a flesh wound."
That's all The Linz can think of for now. If any of you Linz Fanatics can add to the lists, please send The Great One an e-mail.
