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So, you're getting married! When will it be? Who's officiating? What's your color scheme? Who's invited? Where's the honeymoon? Have you dropped this paper yet and run screaming from the room? Take a deep breath, and smile at the love of your life.

A memorable wedding starts with the bride and groom. Start planning with the couple's personalities and interests.

Couples who love books or pets, angling, gardening, quilting, sports, and other pursuits can color the celebration with their passions. Avid scuba divers or motorcycle fans, lovers of opera or country music, and those with deep cultural roots, can employ their favorite themes.

How old are the bride and groom? Are they fun loving, romantic, outdoorsy, traditional or religious? Is this a first, second or third wedding? While the bride may want to wear a white dress her first trip down the aisle, the couple may want to do something a bit unorthodox, hence memorable, the second or third time around. But there's no reason not to make it memorable the first time.

Perhaps the most important question is, who's paying? Remember the Golden Rule: She who has the gold makes the rules. If the couple foots the bill, they can do what they want. When parents pay for the wedding, you bet they get a say in how it comes together.

My cousin Jaye, a school athletics director, married Stephanie in a traditional wedding with the bride in white, but they put a memorable sports spin on the reception. After the bandleader announced the couple's arrival, they burst through a white paper hoop as ball players do at the big game. Attendants and family wore baseball caps labeled "Bride" (white hats) or "Groom" (black hats) as appropriate.

My first wedding was a typical summer garden party, but the going-away outfits were electric blue jumpsuits and wrap-around sunglasses.

At my second wedding, the bride wore red, the guests wore Western wear, and the reception was a barbecue feast held in a converted horse barn. They still talk about that one.

A wedding in a hot-air balloon or at the edge of the sea can provide a memorable setting, but have a workable back-up plan if the weather doesn't cooperate that day. Musical choices can convey volumes about the couple. Flowers speak the language of love, but is it daisies or roses, exotic tropicals or sturdy evergreens, bright colors or shades of white that convey the essence of a couple?

The setting, the outfits, the music, the flowers, special readings or vows - these elements flow from the personality of the bride and groom. Yet, in the end, it's their love for and commitment to each other that makes a wedding memorable.

"To me, it's not how beautiful the setting is or what the bride wore, but it's more about the people who are there and who are celebrating the day that makes it special," says Rabbi Joseph Black of Congregation Albert.

"I come home from weddings and my wife Sue asks me, `What did the bride wear?' I honestly don't remember," he says. "I remember how I felt. I remember how beautiful they were as a couple, how everyone rejoiced with tears and laughter. You could read the phone book, as far as I'm concerned, and if this couple is meant for each other, then it's beautiful."