More Living Columnists

• Dolores Sanchez Badillo: The view from the fenceline
• Mary Penner: Learning about your past is an awesome journey
• Steve Brewer: Goofy fads can hold fond memories for families

MOST RECENT TRIB STORIES

• ABQTrib.com to remain available
  08:48 a.m., February 25, 2008
• Congressman is indicted
  08:37 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Series of attacks target Green Zone
  08:36 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Iran is defying U.N., agency says
  08:35 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Waterboarding approval probed
  08:34 a.m., February 23, 2008

TRIB IN THE BLOGOSPHERE*

• Ty Murray Invitational thrills fans in Albuquerque
• Is Rome Burning?
• Ominous Skies
• The Road to Invalidation
• Albuquerque company participates in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”

*Note: The Tribune does not create and is not responsible for the blogosphere's headlines and stories. These links to blogs talking about ABQTrib.com are automatically generated. Use them at your own risk.

STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• Comments
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

SHARE THIS STORY [?]

Unlike Spanish, which I can read, speak, and enjoy, Chinese is a headache-inducing system of gibberish and hieroglyphics that makes me question my entire existence.

Despite a half-year of language immersion, practice, semi-disciplined self-study and even private tutoring, I am still blown away by Mandarin's challenges.

I'm one of those macho guys who doesn't ask for directions on the road - and pays for it. Therefore, my life is marked by an annoying tendency to make things unnecessarily difficult. Learning Chinese is further evidence of my sadomasochistic tendencies.

Speaking the language requires sensitivity to hearing and pronouncing four flat, rising, and falling tones.

Any failure to use the right tone when speaking will render one's words utterly unintelligible. For instance, the Chinese word "ma" can mean "mother," "hemp," "horse" or "scold." Depending on which tone one affects with his pronunciation, he can completely change the word's meaning.

There seems to be little margin for error in this department. "My, this hemp burger is mighty delicious!" is potentially embarrassing for all involved.

Learning to read this language is even harder. Each character is supposed to be a stylized picture of the thing it represents. For instance, the character for "woman" is supposed to be a stick figure drawing of a woman with a baby on her back. I certainly would never have picked that one out by myself.

Despite a lot of hard work, most characters are not memorable to stick around in my puny brain. It's like being stuck inside a giant game of "Memory."

Enter Pinyin, a Roman alphabet system for writing Chinese. Using Pinyin, Chinese characters are replaced with phoneticized words formed using the conventional Roman alphabet as we know it. The only problem is, most regular folks here can't write or understand Pinyin, only Chinese characters.

Businesses, menus, road signs, and books are almost universally printed in characters, not Pinyin. One still has to be able to read characters to some extent.

You learn real quick after you run into the women's bathroom one too many times. Back to square one.

It reminds me of this old "Star Trek" episode I saw as a kid where the Enterprise is stuck orbiting some strange world because some crazy alien doesn't want the crew to go, and starts playing games to keep them from leaving. Captain Kirk is trying to talk to Mr. Sulu but there is no communication because all of Kirk's words come out backwards. Sulu just stares at him blankly and shakes his head.

I know the feeling, Jim.

Dave Poyer, an Albuquerque native, is living in Beijing. We're trying to come up with a Pinyin character for him.