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What I didn't expect is that the most peculiar folks I've met here are Americans. That's right. I've seen a proverbial freak show of expatriates here. They entertain the hell out of me.

Let me explain the archetypes:

The chick hunter: This is a socially inept man who is here to hook up with China's vast population of eye-poppingly beautiful women. This guy is about 34, got booted from his parent's basement and bought a one-way ticket to China, intent on reinventing himself as a Casanova. The chick hunter often has little or no marketable skills by American standards, which more than qualifies him to teach English here.

Most chick hunters I know would last about five minutes on the streets of 'Burque. The chick hunter is a creepy guy. He is often a loud, obnoxious bigshot, he dresses and grooms scuzzily. Sadly, he is loved by Chinese people because he puts on a show for them, and talks non-stop. He steamrolls local customs while claiming to be an expert.

The thrill seeker: Women dominate this category. This is a person who is here to add China to the vast list of places in the world she's seen and done. Many are tomboyish ex-Peace Corps types who stick around for one to five months months to see all the city's culture (read: tourist attractions).

She enjoys the challenge of a new culture, (read: getting lost in the city) and generally is in the middle of writing her travelogue that she believes will be published and selected for the Oprah Book Club and read by millions of people back home.

She has no interest in learning the language and is a consummate shopper. The thrill seeker is often an unmarried woman who is on sabbatical or summer vacation from a permanent U.S. teaching job.

The tourist:: This person doesn't get it. He gets off the plane and immediately looks for the amenities he's used to back home.

He's constantly complaining about how dirty China is and will likely take a taxi across town to dine at the city's lone Outback Steakhouse (which Australians never eat at, by the way.), stopping at one of Beijing's four Wal-Mart Supercenters to buy roach motels and additional cleaning supplies on his way home since he's so thoroughly grossed out. He saw a TV commercial's idealized view of the Asia and believed it.

This is the fellow that probably travels to Las Vegas, Nev., to see the Bellagio rather than go to all the trouble to see the real Venice. This person also goes home and brags to the folks at home how he conquered China in a month. He doesn't tell them he was supposed to stay two months but couldn't handle it.

The sojourner: This type is in for long haul - a well-educated person who finds the new life here enticing. He aspires to assimilate himself into Chinese culture. He studies hard to speak Mandarin, using his daily life as opportunity to meet "real Chinese people." He eats Chinese food every day. He learns and observes Chinese customs with reverence. He is secretly frustrated that he will never be accepted by Chinese people as anything but a foreigner no matter how well he speaks Chinese, how long he stays or who he eventually marries.

Thank God I don't fit into any of these categories! Or do I?

Dave Poyer is an Albuquerquean teaching English in Beijing.