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I recently received an old-fashioned thank-you note in a lined envelope, on the writer's personal letterhead. The note surprised and delighted me. Surprised, because it was in response to something I did for work, and I did not expect a thank-you. Delighted, because it made me feel good. It was written by a woman, of course.

"Real men don't eat quiche or write thank-you notes," my husband Dave said. "It's a variation on John Wayne's famous line, `Don't apologize, it's a sign of weakness.'"

The few thank-you notes I have received from young men have a grudging, short quality to them. I can almost see their mothers hanging over their shoulders as they write. But it's better than no thank-you note at all.

The social nicety of thank-you notes falls squarely on the shoulders of females, as most social interactions and holiday preparations do. If women stopped preparing for holidays, guys would be watching football on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day and think "something's different this year," but may not be able to put their fingers on it.

All life cycle celebrations - weddings, births, deaths, birthdays, anniversaries, bar or bat mitzvahs, confirmations, quincea¤eras, graduations - have an exchange of gifts that call for a prompt written thank-you. A verbal thank-you can suffice for birthday presents given in person. Gifts from afar need to be acknowledged with a call or a note.

Gifts at a funeral can be a person's presence at a memorial service, flowers or a donation in honor of the deceased, food for the mourners, even a card of condolence. Thank-you notes are a way of counting one's blessings, reviewing the many kindnesses shown when a loved one passes on.

Wedding thank-you notes are especially misunderstood. One young bride I know received bum advice that she had a year to write her thank-you notes, misinterpreting the myth that guests have up to a year after a wedding to send gifts. She took 10 months before sending out a form letter with a hand-written note at the end - most disappointing.

For the record, Emily Post Etiquette dictates that wedding thank-you notes should be written and sent within three months of receipt of the gift. Because wedding gifts can come in large numbers, the bride has a bit more leeway in the timeliness of her note (I doubt that you'll see many from the groom).

Helpful thank-you hints:

Just do it: Thank-you notes for most gifts or kindnesses should be prompt, within two or three days, or the sentiment loses its "fizz." This includes thanks for job interviews or a stay at someone's home.

Keep track: When gifts are opened at a party or shower, charge someone with listing all the gifts and givers to make it easier to send thanks afterward.

Online is fine: Online greeting cards can cost less for a year of notes than paper and postage, and some services are free. It is easy to send a colorful thank-you by e-mail - something I notice guys will do.

Make it easy: Stock your desk with "thank-you" or blank art cards, personal stationery, and fun postage stamps to write and send thanks at will.

Better late than never: The recipient of your words will be warmed beyond your knowing. And you can feel good, too.