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Richard Stevens: The Linz is grateful to be able to count

By Richard Stevens
Thursday, November 23, 2006

The Linz has much to be thankful for this year.

The Linz is thankful he isn't allowed to attend his family's annual Thanksgiving feed. The Linz isn't comfortable inside the maximum security area of a federal prison.

The Linz also is thankful for the federal parole system. The Linz's family is planning a Thanksgiving get-together at Furr's in 10 to 15 years.

But even though The Pitiful One is destined to eat alone - again - The Linz still raises his handsome face to the heavens and gives thanks.

The Linz is thankful Trib boss man Phill Casaus hasn't fired The Great One. The Linz doesn't like soup lines or living under the Milne Stadium bleachers. Of course, The Linz doesn't like Casaus, either.

The Great One is thankful he somehow missed every Albuquerque High football game this past season and has plans to miss every AHS basketball game.

The Great One is thankful Clovis fans don't know The Linz's home address.

The Linz is thankful for all the wonderful people who donated some of their hair to charity. The Linz heard Doughnut Smith donated some of his hair, which will be used as a resurfacing job on the Milne Stadium turf.

The Great One is thankful Manzano's Aaron O-Camp-Out-At-The-Buffet doesn't know the Linz's home address. O-Camp-Out might show up at The Great One's house and eat it.

The Linz is thankful he isn't as bad as KOAT-TV superstar Bob Brown at picking prep football games.

The Linz is thankful Lobos coach Ritchie McKay recruited J.R. Giddens. Although probably not as thankful as McKay.

The Linz is thankful arena football is coming to town. It gives The Linz another excuse to avoid Rio Rancho or Downtown Albuquerque.

The Linz is thankful the New Mexico Bowl happens to fall on the day The Linz scheduled himself to donate a kidney to charity. If the date of the New Mexico Bowl changes, The Linz will donate another kidney.

The Linz went a bland 10-4 last week and sits 234-46 on the season for a ho-hum 84 percent success rate. But that is miles beyond The Linz's competitors: Ken Sick-Of-The-Journal and Bob "Brown Nose" Brown. Here are The Linz Gems for this week with home teams in capital letters:

No. 1 MAYFIELD by 14 over No. 8 La Cueva - 7 p.m. Friday: The Linz is always thankful for a road trip with the Mallers parents - limos, RVs, chauffeurs, nonalcoholic champagne and lots of second-guessing of Coach Fred Romero.

No. 4 CLOVIS by 7 over No. 5 Sandia - 7 p.m. Friday: The Linz thinks Clovis should be thankful for Hobbs. Thanks to Hobbs, Clovis isn't the ugliest town in New Mexico. Which means that Hobbs probably is thankful for Odessa, Texas. Thanks to Odessa, Hobbs isn't the ugliest town in America.

No. 3 ALAMOGORDO by 1 over No. 11 Rio Grande - 7 p.m. Friday: There are two things about this game the Ravens have nothing to be thankful for: It's on the road; it's against a Southern team.

No. 2 HIGHLAND by 10 over No. 7 Cibola - 7 p.m. Friday, Milne: The Hornets probably are thankful Cibola coach Ralph "Fudge" Chavez left them in favor of the Cougars. Now, the Hive has an offense and defense that works.

LOBOS by 21 over San Diego State - 12:30 p.m. Saturday, Davalos Dome: There is nothing to be thankful about this game. Lose, and the Lobos post a miserable 5-7 season. Win, and the Lobos go to the New Mexico Bowl.

OTHER GAMES

Class 4A: No. 1 Artesia by 21 over No. 4 LOS ALAMOS; No. 2 Piedra Vista by 7 over No. 6 GODDARD.

Class 3A: No. 1 Robertson by 14 over No. 4 SOCORRO; No. 3 ST. MICHAEL'S by 20 over No. 7 Portales.

Class 2A: No. 1 Santa Rosa by 14 over No. 2 TULAROSA

The Lindsey Line appears Thursday during the high school football season. It is intended as a humorous feature written by Trib columnist Richard Stevens. If you want to respond to The Linz, you can e-mail The Great One at rstevens@abqtrib.com.