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Dear Thelma: Receiving guests - whether I know them or not - is stressful. Do you have any tips on how I can help myself and our guests feel more at ease?

Answer: First off, you need to want to have guests. If you are in some way resentful or even just ambivalent about your guests, that will show and create feelings of unease in every one. Next, do all you can to properly plan for having guests. If you're not prepared for them, you will be stressed and your guests will feel it, too.

Wanting to have guests translates to wanting to make them feel welcome. Make your home and the activities you plan comfortable and inviting.

You should be a part of what you plan for guests. Don't give them the car keys and say here's where I've planned for you to go. Time spent with your guests is an important ingredient to making them feel they are welcome and are not an imposition.

When you view receiving guests as giving the gift of your time as much as anything else, you'll be more likely to truly set it aside. That will help you avoid the anxiety created when you really aren't taking the time to connect with your guests.

Dear Thelma: I recently sent out invitations to a 50th wedding anniversary dinner. Space was limited, so we had to select guests carefully. We would have loved to include everyone. My question is what do you do when people send back the RSVP card with additional guests listed who were not invited? I don't want to cause hurt feelings; however, space is very limited.

Answer: What your invitees have done is out of line. Invitations always list exactly who is being invited to an event. They may read "Mr. and Mrs. Garcia," "Mr. and Mrs. Cline and Children," or "Mr. Sam Jones and Guest." The wording in these cases is very clear. A guest inviting additional people is wrong.

As the host, I believe it is in your power to call these guests and politely explain the situation: "We have very limited space for this event and our guest list is tied directly to that space. Although we would have liked to invite more guests, we're just not able to accommodate additional people. I hope you understand our situation."

This communication should be in person or by telephone and should allow for the invitee to express why he or she felt the need to add the uninvited. If it is important enough, you may look for a way to work the guest in, but don't feel you have to. Your list is entirely up to you.

Guest relations and good manners never go out of style.