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Dear Thelma: How should a coach handle parents disgruntled over minor issues - especially when said parents do not have knowledge of the game or what it means to play on a team?

Answer: Volunteer coaches are often put into a position of spending much of their time thinking about and dealing with parent issues. It seems to come with the territory.

It's best to handle disagreements with parents as unemotionally as possible. All parents feel an intense desire to see their child appreciated and cared for and kept from harm - whether it's physical or emotional harm. If you can take the emotion out of your response to their complaint, the volatility of the situation should be cut in half.

Truly listen to the grievance. Then make a comment that lets the parent know he or she has been heard. If it's appropriate for you to apologize, then do so sincerely. If time is needed to let emotions cool, you might consider a response like: "I've heard what you've said. I will think about it and get back to you tomorrow." Then follow through.

Work to maintain good communication with parents throughout the season so that they understand your methodology. Their concerns may be put at ease if they can see your entire strategy.

As for parents, it's important to keep at the front of your minds that these coaches are volunteers spending their valuable time providing instruction for your children. They aren't paid experts in a particular sport or in child psychology. They need your help to model what being a team player means. They need your help to motivate your child to get the most out of practice by paying attention and giving her best.

Parents should realize that the most important part of a child's athletic experience will take place at practices. That's where all the instruction takes place and all the learning is done. You should spend most of your time watching what goes on at practices. Observe the instruction so you can reinforce it at home. Study how your child behaves and whether he needs motivation from home. If your child runs a lot of "penalty laps" during practice, it's most likely because he is not paying attention to what's being taught or said. Discuss that with him.

Games are the test at the end of the week. If your child has prepared well in practice, she'll be able to do her best at the games. If she's arrived late, missed practice or not paid attention during it, it will show at the game in how well she does and in what opportunities she is given.

From the field of play to the sidelines, good manners never go out of style.