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Viewfinder: Parenting the second time around - Kathleen Araiza spoils her grandson. If he wants, he can have a hamburger for breakfast and a latte before school. He can go to bed when he pleases, as long as he isn't difficult in the morning. Her approach to 12-year-old Nathaniel might be typical of any grandparent, but her involvement in his life is beyond what most could even fathom. Araiza and her husband, Carlos, are raising Nathaniel full time. Within a few months, they will adopt him.
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Kathleen Araiza spoils her grandson. If he wants, he can have a hamburger for breakfast and a latte before school. He can go to bed when he pleases, as long as he isn't difficult in the morning.
Her approach to 12-year-old Nathaniel might be typical of any grandparent, but her involvement in his life is beyond what most could even fathom.
Araiza and her husband, Carlos, are raising Nathaniel full time. Within a few months, they will adopt him.
"It's different raising grandchildren than it was my own boys. I was younger then. I was more consistent and had more structure," said Araiza, 53. "As grandparents, spoiling him just happens."
Two years ago, after suffering from abuse and neglect, Nathaniel was taken away from his biological mother and faced going into foster care. Araiza had been in his life since he was an infant and knew she wanted to take care of him permanently.
"All the things that were once so important to me didn't matter any more," she said. "All that matters is that he is happy."
Unlike their first time as parents, the Araizas both worked full time when Nathaniel moved in. Their grandson immediately became their priority. Kathleen Araiza signed up for parenting classes to ease the transition into primary caregiver.
"I'd forgotten how to discipline and nurture. The classes taught me how to teach him responsibilities and boundaries," she said. "They helped me remember what parents are supposed to do."
Further support for the change in their lifestyle came from Outcomes Inc., a nonprofit social service organization in Albuquerque. Twice a month, Araiza attends a support group, complete with free child care, with other grandparents raising their grandchildren.
Group members remind one another that whatever support they need, they should be able to get it. All they have to do is ask.
"You know when you throw a rock in a pond and the ripples keep going and going," said Kathleen. "I have ripples of people who truly care. If I just ask people for help, they give it. That's how my support group works."
Since Nathaniel moved in, Kathleen has watched the sadness lift from his life. The smile that reminds her of Ernie from "Sesame Street" stretches broadly across his face when she wraps her arms around him.
"He's come a long way, and we still have a long road ahead of us," she said. "I realize I have to take care of myself, physically and emotionally, if I want to see him graduate from college."
For more information on Outcomes Inc. and Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, contact Sheila Genoni at (505) 243-2551.
