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I have chronic, intractable pain. Not your ordinary headache or aching back, but pain that is constant, surging in waves, screeching down my arms and legs - an underlying fire that is never put out.

I've been struggling with chronic pain for more than 32 years. When I was first disabled, I was put on Darvon and Percodan. While they helped control the excruciating bursts of pain in my legs and shoulders, the drugs eventually became useless.

When I discovered I was pregnant with my first child, I went cold turkey and quit. The detox took three days, and I was back in serious pain in a week. I tried homeopathic remedies during pregnancy, and they helped.

Over the next 20 years, I used physical therapy, acupuncture, biofeedback, deep-tissue massage - you name it. All of them had their effectiveness, but nothing lasted.

In 2001, I suffered the fourth rupture to my cervical spine and severe trauma to my left elbow, resulting in permanent bone chips floating around.

Operating on the elbows, knees and spinal column is tricky. My neurologist gave me two choices: Have surgery on my ruptured cervical discs and risk becoming a quadriplegic; or use pain medication for the rest of my life. The doctor couldn't guarantee that my pain would stop permanently if I had surgery, and I didn't want to become a quadriplegic.

I went through pain clinics and batteries of tests. I tried many different medications and several types of physical therapy. After years of going up and down the pain ladder, I had to chose between drug therapy or a surgical last resort - shooting cortisone into my spine at the cervical area to try to block the pain. The doctor said it would be difficult, because of my jumble of nerves, scar tissue and ruptured discs, and he wasn't sure if he could hit the right spot without paralyzing me further.

Becoming drug-dependent wasn't an easy decision, but looking at life as a quadriplegic made the choice obvious.

Chronic, intractable pain is difficult to diagnose and hard to control. Across the country, hundreds of pain self-help groups have emerged in an attempt to share information, stories, grief and comfort.

Many investigations and studies are being done to determine what amounts of drugs are considered rational, versus what amount works. Understanding how pain medications work and why high dosages are necessary is the core of the argument.

Chronic pain soaks up medication like a sponge, leaving the patient feeling better but not strung out like drug abusers. I'm on a dosage that would kill a person not suffering from chronic pain. The high dosage has allowed me to keep my job, take care of myself and live as normally as I can.

Proper treatment of chronic pain includes accepting the amount and type of medication needed. To deny proper relief is inhumane.