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Groups scoff but dads say purity events help them bond, give 'the talk'

By Stephanie Garcia Krenrich
Tuesday, August 14, 2007

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Twelve-year-old Nathaniel Catasca enjoys the time he can hang out with his father and just shoot the breeze.

However, the talk involves more than sports and cars. It's about sex — specifically, about abstaining from sex until marriage.

Nathaniel and his father, Paul Catasca, got some bonding time on Aug. 4 at Wilson Stadium during Extreme Commitment, one of at least two annual events held in Albuquerque that promote abstinence.

Sons and fathers at the event participate in games and activities, and speakers talk about the importance of waiting to have sex until marriage.

While abstinence education programs — such as Extreme Commitment and its counterpart for girls, a "purity ball," formal gatherings for young women and their fathers — have grown in number, detractors say they leave teenagers unprepared for the real world.

Joan Douglas, executive director of Care Net Pregnancy Center, which hosts Extreme Commitment and purity balls, said promoting abstinence among young people emphasizes the importance of sex in a marriage.

"It's a focus on staying pure for the one you're going to marry," she said. "It's a gift."

Andy Lee, a father who took his son to Extreme Commitment last year, said abstaining from sex is the only way to be safe.

"The only 100 percent effective way to avoid teenage pregnancy is abstinence," he said.

Lee doesn't understand why anyone would oppose events such as Extreme Commitment and purity balls.

"Why would a naysayer discourage a father and a son from being close?" he said. "Why would a naysayer oppose something that would help prevent pregnancies?"

But not everyone finds value in the events. Abortion-rights and reproduction-choice groups say parents should be telling their kids about contraception and educating them about sexual intercourse.

Joan Sanford, executive director for the Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice, an organization in Albuquerque that supports reproductive freedom, said even though abstinence is a good discussion topic between parents and their children, parents should also provide them with information on how to protect themselves if they choose to have sex.

"We've always supported abstinence as a healthy choice for teens, but more research confirms that there's no proof that abstinence-only programs delay the onset of sexual activity," Sanford said.

"The purity balls leave you unprepared. If they (teenagers) become sexually active, then they are not prepared and are at greater risk for unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease."

Heather Brewer, executive director for NARAL Pro-Choice New Mexico, said that when people say teaching abstinence helps prevent pregnancy, they are not being truthful.

"I think the statistics prove them completely wrong," she said. "Abstinence-only programs do not help anyone."

She referred to a national study done in the spring by Mathematica Policy Research Inc., which tracked 2,057 teenagers in government-funded abstinence programs. It showed that participants were just as likely to have sex before marriage as those who did not attend the program.

Abstinence messages just aren't effective, she said.

"I absolutely believe that everyone's values are important and meaningful and valid," Brewer said. "What's not valid is denying them (teens) the factually based information they're going to need."

Daniel Wick said he has taken his son and daughters to Extreme Commitment and purity balls to open the lines of communication with them.

"I'm a State Police officer, and I'm in a Christian family," he said. "I'm trying to get a better relationship with my son."

Wick said he realizes his teenage son is not as enthused about the purity events as his daughters were when they were teens.

"The kid is going to resist, but I'm going to try to encourage him," he said. "Depending on how much resistance, I'm showing I'm making the effort. If I die, at least I know I've made the effort."

Brewer said a father-son relationship shouldn't be based on abstinence education.

"I believe very strongly about the relationships between parents and children, but it should be accurate, meaningful and honest information," she said. If it's based on the message of abstinence, she said, "it's a false relationship. It's a false commitment, and, ultimately, it's the children who will be hurt by it."

Sanford said the abstinence message can lead children to be dishonest with their parents.

"Teens love their parents very much and don't want to disappoint them."

Having sex could be perceived as a disappointment to parents who emphasize abstinence to their teenagers, she said.

Sanford said it's important for parents to talk to their children about all aspects of sex.

"The most effective is safe, nonjudgmental conversation between caring adults and youth, a message that they are loved," she said. "Sex is a gift from God, and those that love them want them to make safe and healthy choices, which include contraception."

Andy Lee said the Aug. 4 event presented a good opportunity to have fun with his son and converse about a tough subject.

"It's a chance for fathers and sons to have an activity together," he said. "Sons get to see their father in an equal setting. It's an opportunity to bring up sexual purity, which isn't always the easiest thing to bring up at the dinner table or in a car."