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Dear Thelma: I see in the death notices of a funeral home in a nearby town that it is no longer necessary to go to the funeral home to pay your respects. One can merely send your respects through its Web site. What are your thoughts on this?

Answer: I don't understand this streamlined sympathy, especially if it is the only offer of condolence that you make. All it says to me is, "I read the obituary, but I don't have time to really connect with you."

For me it's a matter of heart sense. The most sincere way to show your sympathy if you can't get to the services is by sending a card. A card with a sincere note shows you took the time to go to the store, buy the card, write the note, find a stamp and send it. It shows a higher level of attention and care.

However, it seems our drive-through society is taking a different route. One online guest book provided by an obituary Web site screens 18,000 notes a day, according to a 2006 New York Times article.

A message in an online guest book would be fine if it's in addition to funeral attendance, a card sent to the home or flower arrangement sent for the services. However, don't make it your only communication to the grieving family.

Dear Thelma: Recently my father died, and I am unsure if and how I respond to friends who have sent sympathy cards.

Answer: Respond to handwritten notes of condolences with your own note of thanks as soon as you're able. It is also important to respond to those who have sent flowers, made contributions and provided meals or other special help. A pre-printed sympathy card with no personal message does not require a written thank-you.

Dear Thelma: It has been more than a year since my loved one died. Is it too late to acknowledge expressions of sympathy?

Answer: The grieving process is different for everyone. As I suggest above, acknowledgments should be sent at soon as you're able. If for you that meant a year's time has passed, then the time for you is now.

I must assume you have expressed thanks to those closest to you who grieved with you. Now it seems you are beginning to want to reconnect with friends. By taking the time to write a note acknowledging their support, you let them know that it's a good time to re-establish the relationship.