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Dear Thelma: Many grocery stores offer a service in which an employee will walk you to your car and load up your groceries. Is this a tipping occasion? If so, what amount is appropriate? Does one also tip the grocery bagger?

Answer: I do not consider having groceries loaded or bagged tipping occasions, and some stores even prohibit tipping such employees.

In fact, I once tried to tip the nice kid who took my groceries to the car, and my tip was turned down. I asked, "Isn't it appropriate to tip you?" He said, "No, we're already taken care of."

Some Internet sites that offer charts of standard tipping amounts say grocery loaders may be tipped anywhere from $1 to $3, depending on the size of the load.

However, unlike restaurant wait staff who are often paid less than minimum wage and are expected to make up the difference in tips, grocery loaders should be adequately compensated by the store for their contribution to the customer experience.

While tips are a gesture of reward for good service received, not every service provided must be met with a tip.

Dear Thelma: My daughter is expecting a baby soon. Her stepmother declined a shower invitation from our family, and she is planning a baby shower for my daughter to which I am apparently not invited.

There has not been a relationship problem with her before this. Am I out of line in thinking this is very poor etiquette?

Answer: Being the hostess, it is her prerogative to choose who is and is not on her guest list. Any host of any gathering has this privilege, just as any guest may accept or decline any invitation.

Although it is natural for you to feel hurt by her refusing your invitation and by not issuing one to you, looking deeper into the situation might ease that pain.

Perhaps she didn't want to cause discomfort to anyone on your daughter's special day with you and your friends and family. She also might have a group of her own friends and family that she wants to share the happy expectations with that she didn't feel she could ask you to include on your guest list.

You've said there have been no problems between you in the past; don't count this as a problem either. Just count it as more blessings and love for your daughter and your new grandchild.