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Review: Latest Will Smith vehicle should be retitled 'I Am Bored'

'I Am Legend'

Opens today: Century Downtown, Century Rio, Cottonwood, Four Hills, High Ridge, Winrock

Rated: PG-13

Running time: 100 min.

Director: Francis Lawrence

Grade: C

Albuquerque movie theaters: shows and times

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The zombies in "I Am Legend" roar and pound their chests and stare at Will Smith like angry cartoon villains.

They have zombie dogs. There's even a zombie leader. You know he's in charge because he's a bit bigger than the others and there's more color in his ragged clothing. (No self-respecting zombie leader would dress as drably as his zombie minions.)

What the "I Am Legend" zombies are missing, though, is a hook, some sort of edge. They're fast and strong like in "28 Weeks Later" but not nearly as dangerous. They are (of course) deathly afraid of sunlight, and they'll run away if you shoot at them. Plus they're always stopping to flex or pose.

No, these are the zombies of a movie that just doesn't care very much.

"I Am Legend" isn't scary, and it's not especially violent. It's a bit of a social commentary, I suppose, in that mankind's need to continually reach results in extinction, but so are most horror flicks.

There are a few interesting shots in the sprawling, abandoned streets of New York City, but they're all in the movie's commercials. And the zombies look so fake that only one scene stands out as being worth the time spent watching: Smith diving out a second-story window with a few bloodsuckers trailing after him. (That's in the commercials, too.)

According to the Internet Movie Database, Smith wanted Guillermo del Toro ("Pan's Labyrinth") to direct but was turned down and went with Francis Lawrence. This would have been a better movie with del Toro, I'm almost certain, even though he misfired with "Hellboy" and wouldn't necessarily have salvaged such weak material. (Lawrence directed "Constantine," with Keanu Reeves, in 2005. He apparently specializes in directing big stars in disappointing hybrids of horror and sci-fi.)

I imagine movie execs thought Will Smith plus zombies would equal lots and lots of box-office lettuce, and they're probably right. The man's good enough to sell a lousy movie, and almost good enough to salvage one.

Smith is terrific as Robert Neville, a brilliant scientist with (what luck!) an immunity to the virus that has turned New Yorkers into even bigger jerks than they were before.

He's all by himself in the big city, and takes advantage by zooming around in a Mustang GT500 with his awesome dog, Sam. He shoots stray deer with an assault rifle even though he's got plenty of food. (With all of mankind basically wiped out, the last human's gotta kill something, right?)

The zombies hide in the dark at night, so he basically has free rein when the sun's in the sky. He grabs CDs, hits golf balls off an aircraft carrier, plays fetch with Sam and even carries on conversations with mannequins he has placed around favorite hot spots.

The Last Man on Earth is a meaty role, and Smith is his typically terrific self here — funny in some scenes, nuts in others. His best scene comes after a tragic moment, when he begs a female mannequin to "please say hello to me."

The studio did a fantastic job marketing this movie, barely showing the zombies in the ads and centerpiecing Smith. Turns out they didn't have a choice. A lot of people will turn out to see "I Am Legend."

What they'll find is a bore.