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Dear Thelma: A good friend died unexpectedly. Her memorial service is planned for the day after my family is scheduled to leave town on vacation. I just don't know what to do, and nothing seems right. I'm hoping you can help me sort out my decision.

Answer: Thank you for the question, and you should know that others have had the same concern. I attended a memorial service recently for a very dear friend only to learn that two of the deceased person's closest friends could not be there because they had just left for vacation.

They talked to the family, and the family was most sincere in wanting them to remain where they were. I know it is not exactly the same, but in some way it is, because it involves plans that have been made and includes more than you. Also I do know that in situations like these more often than not the friends need you more after all quiets down and yet another stage of grieving begins.

There really is no right or wrong way to answer you, but from the sensitivity expressed in your question, I know all will be well.

Our heart frequently gets called on to react in many directions at the same time. Sometimes we must simply do our best to answer its calls.

Dear Thelma: I found your Web site online because I wanted to find out the proper etiquette of whom to introduce first. I did find your article that says to "present a person of lesser authority to a person of senior authority (and to) say the more important person's name first."

Now I know this is for business introductions, but whom would I introduce first if I were introducing my sister (a very important person) to my boss (another very important person)?

Answer: In the type of situation you propose, a good rule of thumb is to present the person you know best to the person you don't know as well. In this case introduce your sister (whom I expect you have the longer relationship with) to your boss.

The order of the introduction would go like this: "Ms. Bennett, I'd like you to meet my sister, Cheryl Clarkson. Cheryl, this is Ms. Ruth Bennett, the CEO of Bennett Industries."

In most everyday situations, the order of introductions is not likely to be scrutinized. The biggest blunder to make is to fail to make an introduction when the opportunity arises.