Photo by Michael J. GallegosTribune

Tribune

Jessica Sullivan, 11 (center), talks with friends as she waits to ride the bumper cars at Hinkle Family Fun Center in northeast Albuquerque. Sullivan, the adopted daughter of Fran Sullivan, shared an afternoon of fun with a group of adopted and foster children to celebrate and promote adoption and foster care. The July 10 event was held by the New Mexico Children, Youth and Families Department, and City Councilor Don Harris.

More Commentary

• Commentary: Bill aims to help American Indians in urban areas
• Commentary: Albuquerque Public Schools just can't admit they let down the children of Navajo Elementary
• Commentary: Volunteer vets provide animal care to New Mexico's pueblos and reservations

MOST RECENT TRIB STORIES

• ABQTrib.com to remain available
  08:48 a.m., February 25, 2008
• Congressman is indicted
  08:37 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Series of attacks target Green Zone
  08:36 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Iran is defying U.N., agency says
  08:35 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Waterboarding approval probed
  08:34 a.m., February 23, 2008

TRIB IN THE BLOGOSPHERE*

• Ty Murray Invitational thrills fans in Albuquerque
• Is Rome Burning?
• Ominous Skies
• The Road to Invalidation
• Albuquerque company participates in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”

*Note: The Tribune does not create and is not responsible for the blogosphere's headlines and stories. These links to blogs talking about ABQTrib.com are automatically generated. Use them at your own risk.

STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• Comments
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

SHARE THIS STORY [?]

Children come into families by more ways than just the stork.

For foster parents, kids may arrive on short notice on a weekend or in the middle of the night.

For adoptive parents, their family addition may come after a long process that can be as fraught with worry as a pregnancy.

Don and Amy Harris adopted baby Joshua after fostering him for almost two years. They started shortly after Joshua's birth, when he weighed six pounds and was critically ill, addicted to heroin and cocaine. They went with their three biological children to the hospital to see the baby before deciding whether to take on such a challenge.

"This baby was so tiny, and he was so sick. He just didn't look like a real baby," said Amy Harris. "Our older boy burst out crying, and he said, `We can't leave him here; he needs a family.' The kids helped make the decision, and that was one of the reasons we took him."

Not everyone can take in a child with such special needs. Harris is a nurse who has worked in newborn special care and nursery intensive care units, and she has a specialized license to foster special needs babies.

And baby Joshua had many needs. For the first nine months, he cried inconsolably, unless he slept with his head on mom or dad's shoulder. He trembled and couldn't digest food properly. The family thought he wouldn't be able to walk. There were many trips to the doctors at University of New Mexico Hospital.

Under federal law, the Children, Youth and Families Department has an obligation to attempt to help the mother get well and reunify the child with her. Over 18 months, the Harris family lived in an emotional limbo, loving and caring for the child while watching to see if the situation that brought Joshua into custody would change.

It didn't. Don Harris, who is a lawyer and a city councilor, was in court the day the mother's parental rights were terminated.

"It was a very tough thing to watch," he said. "The woman was trying to convince the court that she'd get better, but it was pretty clear her problems were deeply ingrained."

The Harris family formally adopted Joshua on Nov. 18, 2006, at a National Adoption Day event. When they signed papers for their intent to adopt, CYFD helped mark the transition from foster care into adoption with a candle-lighting ceremony.

The ceremony brings together everyone who helps get a child through the foster system. Three candles are lit, representing the child's prior home, the temporary home and the forever home. When the candles are blown out, the child is considered a part of the adoptive family and the people in the foster care system step out of their lives.

"We kind of make fun of ourselves, because we're the Quite White family," Amy Harris said. "And our big joke is that Joshua is this beautiful, chocolaty, gorgeous, curly headed boy, and he doesn't know that we're any different than Mom and Dad. You look at him, and you know he isn't ours physically, but, emotionally, he's the same kid."

"One thing I like to do is, when I mention to people he's my son, I'll say with a very deadpan expression, `Just a chip off the old block, isn't he?' and they really don't know what to say," chuckled Don Harris.

In two and a half years, Joshua has grown healthy and active. While fostering to adoption has been a lot of work, his parents said they got the better end of the deal.

"Luckily for Joshua, he ended up being the grand prize through all of this," said Amy Harris.

But not everyone fosters a child with the goal of adoption.

Donna and Frank Payne are local foster champions who have helped more than 300 kids in transition over 21 years. Their three biological children are now in their 20s, and the Paynes adopted three kids in 1995 who are now in high school and college.

"We do it because we love it. It's a beautiful way of life," said Donna Payne. "We don't love having our hearts broken when we've loved the kids and then they walk out the door, but we love loving kids and helping families reunite."

They currently are fostering four sibling groups, helping to keep brothers and sisters together. The children range in age from seven months to 14 years. They share a four-bedroom house that has lots of bunk beds and cribs on hand.

"We are a multi-cultural United Nations," said Payne. Foster children in their home have been Hispanic, American Indian, black, bi-racial and white.

Many of the kids that the Paynes take in arrive in emergency situations on short notice. They are prepared in advance with boxes of toiletries and special colored bath towels for each child. They will often hold a small party when a child gets to go home or gets adopted, to wish him or her well.

Running such a large household takes rules, and usually the older kids will clue in the new arrivals. The rules include no drugs or alcohol, don't use bad words, help with chores, no boys in the girls' room, no girls in the boys' room, and don't get on the computer without permission. The kids learn to cook, do laundry and clean, skills that they'll need as they grow up and go out on their own.

"I think there are some misconceptions about what kind of home you have to have to foster," said Payne. "You can be a foster parent if you're a single male, single female, gay or lesbian couple, married with kids, without kids, you don't even have to own your own home."

"There's also a fear out there of doing foster care," she said. "For the most part, they're great kids. They just want a warm bed and warm food and somebody to care about them. It's scary how many kids are coming in. Every single day, there are kids coming into our system and they're staying. We need homes."

"For people who want a baby today, foster care with adoption is very, very slow," said Amy Harris. "Yet, it opens up a door to a community that maybe you would have never been involved in. It's definitely a worthwhile choice, instead of going to China or Romania."

Rubin is an Albuquerque resident and event planner writing a how-to book on creating memorable life-cycle events.