More Living Columnists

• Dolores Sanchez Badillo: The view from the fenceline
• Mary Penner: Learning about your past is an awesome journey
• Steve Brewer: Goofy fads can hold fond memories for families

MOST RECENT TRIB STORIES

• ABQTrib.com to remain available
  08:48 a.m., February 25, 2008
• Congressman is indicted
  08:37 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Series of attacks target Green Zone
  08:36 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Iran is defying U.N., agency says
  08:35 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Waterboarding approval probed
  08:34 a.m., February 23, 2008

TRIB IN THE BLOGOSPHERE*

• Ty Murray Invitational thrills fans in Albuquerque
• Is Rome Burning?
• Ominous Skies
• The Road to Invalidation
• Albuquerque company participates in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”

*Note: The Tribune does not create and is not responsible for the blogosphere's headlines and stories. These links to blogs talking about ABQTrib.com are automatically generated. Use them at your own risk.

STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• Comments
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

SHARE THIS STORY [?]

Dear Thelma: I'm on a very restricted diet for my health. I have to know what the food ingredients are in every meal. I have severe reactions, including loss of breath and other symptoms, to most food ingredients, including preservatives.

My problem is that our friends and family members know that I'm on this restricted diet for my health. Not being able to breathe is pretty severe, wouldn't you agree?

However, most people are offended when I politely decline get-togethers that include food. This includes going to a restaurant to eat, going to a coffee bar, going to a friend's for dinner or attending a potluck dinner.

I usually explain, because of health reasons, I must politely decline their offers. I feel that my refusal is given with courtesy and politeness, but friends and family members are offended. I feel that it's much better than asking if I can see the ingredients listing of every dish served before I partake of it.

Is there a better way to refuse these get-togethers?

Answer: I feel it is important for you to avoid defining all get-togethers that involve food as events to be avoided. By doing so, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to cultivate and sustain relationships and run the risk of becoming reclusive because of this problem.

You must make the effort to stay connected. They have offered the invitation and made the effort to connect with you. You should find a way to honor that invitation.

One choice is to provide for yourself what is needed. To an invitation to dinner party or barbecue, you might say something like: "I enjoy your company and want to stay connected with you, but because of my allergies would you mind if I brought my own dish?" Make enough to fill you up and share with others.

Many hosts these days even invite you to share your dietary requirements by asking in the invitation for those with special needs to contact them. It would be fine to identify the restrictions and provide a list of them to the host.

Depending upon your diet, wise choices at a restaurant may be a possibility. You can even eat your main meal at home before you go and then order a simple dinner salad. It wouldn't even be terrible to pull out your own salad dressing from your bag when the alternative is to deprive yourself of that relationship.

Finally, don't focus on the food itself as your reason for attending the event. Focus instead on the relationships and the opportunity you have been given to share time with your friends and family. You may leave with an empty stomach, but not an empty heart.

Relationship building and good manners never go out of style.