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Dear Thelma: My brother is getting married for the third time. This is his fianc‚e's first marriage. Should I send a wedding gift? I feel I have given already since he has kept the items from the other marriages.

Answer: Although you may be frustrated with your brother, the point of a wedding gift is to let the couple know you share in their happiness and wish them well for the future. If you decide not to give a gift, what message will that send about the importance you place on your relationship with your brother and your new sister-in-law? Will withholding a gift damage those relationships? Will giving a gift help strengthen your connection? Let these answers guide you.

You may choose to give something more personal or creative than the household items they may register for - something that shows your interest in the success of their marriage or something that your own relationships have taught you is important.

Gifts of any kind are never mandatory, but wedding gifts are customary and are always in order when you have received a wedding invitation - even a third wedding invitation.

Dear Thelma: As a man in a world being overtaken by the business-casual wardrobe, I've almost forgotten the rules of dressing professionally. Can you give me a refresher as I start interviewing for a new position?

Answer: The suit and tie best define professional attire for men. A dark business suit - navy to dark gray of high-quality fabric - is considered most appropriate. Have the jacket altered to fit you properly. Leave the bottom button of your suit jacket undone.

Wear a starched, long-sleeved dress shirt and a tie that reaches your belt line. Choose a silk or high-quality-blend tie and consider your industry when choosing a style and print. Creative environments tend to render more liberal ties, while financial and political arenas often require a more conservative approach.

Your dress pants should have a slight break over the shoe in front and cover your socks. Socks should be black, navy or dark gray and cover your shins even when you cross your legs.

Consider your shoes carefully. Black, cordovan or brown classic lace-ups are always a good choice. Check them every day to make sure they are shined and in good condition. Wear a leather belt that matches your shoes.

Finally, make sure that your clothing is clean and that your hair and beard are neatly groomed.

Despite the encroachments of business casual, a professional look and good manners never go out of style.