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Dear Thelma: Why do people bring their young children to restaurants that are clearly focused on serving adults? No one seems to enjoy themselves in these situations, not the parents, not the children and certainly not the other diners. Even the wait staff often seem annoyed. Wouldn't it be kind for parents to be more discriminating in their dining choices?

Answer: I believe kids should have the opportunity to enjoy a kid's life and adults should be allowed to enjoy an adult's life. And I agree that parents should think carefully - with the children in mind - when making choices about dining.

The first concern should be the comfort of those dining around you. If the restaurant you are choosing is the type of place couples go for an adult evening away from their own kids, you must understand their frustrations if they've paid for a sitter, yet still have to deal with the playful antics of children or the fussing of a baby. Be sensitive to others when deciding whether to take your children to a fine restaurant.

Be sensitive to others, but also be sensitive to your children. Consider whether you really want to force your children into what essentially is an adult experience. The pace of a fine meal may be too slow for young children who are used to being served soon after sitting down and expect to be excused promptly when finished. The bill of fare also may lack desirable tastes for young palates. Long wait times and dissatisfied tummies may lead to misbehavior born not out of ill-mannered children, but out of understandable boredom, hunger and frustration.

If it's important to you to provide a fine dining experience to your kids, especially as they reach a new level of maturity, pick an appropriate time for it. Choose brunch, lunch or very early on a weekday evening when the establishment may be less crowded and the meal's pace may move more quickly. Before you go, let the children know what to expect and what will be expected of them. Practice proper table manners at home on a regular basis first.

Until they are ready for that outing there are plenty of kid-friendly restaurants, where neither the parents nor the children have the tension of watching and being watched so closely. I encourage parents to connect with kids in those environments that are best suited for them.

Like making sensitive choices, good manners never go out of style.