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Gene Grant: Stopping bullies takes more than finger-waving

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Schoolhood memories can be painful. As a parent, you find yourself often wishing your kids' school journey could be trouble- and stress-free, which is of course, impossible.

Being a kid is a contact sport. The various showdowns large and small are emotional building blocks to handle the stresses of adulthood, when we look back at those times with a note of nostalgia. Even romanticism.

Some kid, however, is being terrorized at their school this very day. Maybe it's your kid or mine, but it's happening.

As a parent, I'm relieved to see bullying in school finally getting its proper attention because nothing scares me more than the idea of one of my kids being terrorized.

I've had many, many conversations about this with parents of all stripes, and the fear of their kid locked down by the thought of just getting on the bus is more frightening than the prospect of a flash of violence coming their way.

It's visceral. A lot of us have been there.

Last week, the Albuquerque Public Schools district announced with some pride a drop in school violence last year. The district is to be applauded. It's also to be applauded for quietly taking on the problem of bullying. Perhaps a little too quietly, but progress is happening.

This past January, APS formulized guidelines for APS administrators driven by a Community Advisory Board workshop on the subject last year. Previously, principals of individual schools had the power to decide if a bullying policy was warranted.

The Bullying Prevention Policy is clear: "The board believes that preventing bullying is important to having a safe, respectful and fear-free climate which should help students learn, achieve high academic standards and establish a positive educational environment."

A fear-free climate. There it is.

Lynn Pedraza, the district's director for Help and Mental Health Services, says the issue is so critical it's even addressed in the Student and Staff Wellness Procedures manual.

"The policy is not just about students, but all members of the school community," Pedraza said. "The guidelines include peer mediation in elementary, middle and high school."

Considering how much we now know about what kind of adults are formed from childhood abuse in the home, the issue of fear in school deserves just as vigorous a look.

Think of it this way: These kids are going to be bosses, spouses and work-mates someday.

Getting kids involved in this makes sense because, frankly, this situation is all hands on deck. APS is getting there, but we've all got to pitch in.

Regina Turner and her organization, the New Mexico Foundation for Human Rights Project, is sponsoring a statewide essay contest for kids on this subject next month.

"The goal of the project is to get kids to think about their own behavior," Turner said. "We're trying to get them to step back and put themselves in the position of the victim.

"The writing process is a critical way to re-enact that process, to examine it and feel about how you responded."

What interests me especially about the contest is that kids are forced to write it from specific points of view - from perpetrator to bystander to victim. Being a collaborator or helper are the other two categories.

If a kid who is doing the bullying is able to articulate on paper why they bully, my guess is that if others who bully hear it, we're going to get somewhere. Same for the collaborators, who for whatever reason get their jollies contributing to others' suffering.

Peer understanding - and pressure - will go much further than parental finger-waving.

Keep in mind that in this day and age, bullying is not about jacking a kid up against the wall in the playground. It includes text messaging, endless phone messages and e-mail. It's a new world. The idea of a teacher simply marching a kid down the hall by the ear won't work anymore. These efforts are not a moment too soon.