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Dear Thelma: My sister and I want to give a baby shower for our sister-in-law. Our mother thinks she needs to be involved and throw the shower, also. Our problem is that she doesn't have any finances to help with the shower, and we don't know what to tell her. She gets her feelings hurt very easily. Any ideas to tell the grandma-to-be in this situation?

Answer: The kindest thing would be for you to include her, despite her lack of finances. Can she help decorate? Can she prepare food? Can she help clean up afterward?

I have written recently that the duty of the shower host is to pay for the expenses of the celebration. But in this situation, it sounds like you and your sister are the hosts and are willing to take on those expenses. Excluding your mother in the planning and the operation would simply be unkind.

If, in the planning, her ideas outweigh your pocketbooks, just say, "Sorry, Mom, our budget can't cover that," and go on to the next idea.

Grandmothers are important people; love her enough to find a way to include her.

Dear Thelma: Thank you for your recent column on dining out with children. We are a military family and are serving in the Diplomatic Corps overseas. There are many reasons to expose children to habits and customs of cordial, fine dining. There have been times when our family has been invited to dinner in the home of business associates. Despite the word "casual" on the invitation, we are expected to behave with a certain level of decorum. I am delighted when my children display proper etiquette at the table. They would not have this awareness had we not exposed them at an early age to public dining manners with adults.

We do take them early to fine restaurants and have even called the establishments ahead of time to tell them of our intentions. The staff is usually delighted to be a part of the subtle and important task of incorporating manners and etiquette into the life of a child.

I agree that as a family we should choose off-peak hours. Children are often hungry early in the evening and become restless when taken out too late. We have gradually worked up to standard evening hours so that the children see all environments of fine dining. After all, how did the adults of today learn to practice good manners? Someone, hopefully a parent, exposed them so that they established good habits. Children learn best when they are surrounded by, and praised for, good manners.

Answer: Your children will always know that good manners never go out of style.