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"There are two big forces at work, external and internal. We have very little control over the external forces, such as tornadoes, earthquakes, floods, disasters, illness and pain. What really matters is the internal force. How do I respond to those disasters? Over that I have complete control."

Leo Buscalia, author, educator and hugger-extraordinaire, wrote these words. It was my privilege to be a guest at an evening dinner party with this unique and inspiring voice of the human spirit just a year before his passing.

He would surely have appreciated the character adage: It doesn't happen to you; it happens through you. Oh, yes, large disasters can and do appear as warnings, stop signs and sometimes as seemingly insurmountable mountains. These are the big external forces that I think of as the cold northerly winds that come to every person's life.

Yet, for most people, it is the small, everyday external forces often throw many for a loop. I'm talking about the annoying and petty behaviors, prejudices, and unthoughtful words of others that often come at us and we simply think our only response is to condemn and judge the one who is causing discomfort and irritation.

Kids of Character can learn from their parents, grandparents and teachers how to confront the little whirlwind irritations that blow in daily from others. How? Adults can teach kids through their actions, that every response - every action - is a choice. We are always the choicemaker. And, as a choicemaker we have more than one choice when we respond to the actions of others.

Kids of Character can learn from the important character mentors in their life that choice making is the golden key that opens the door to creative and caring relationships. Yes, I choose; I control this moment; I hold the authority right now to create conflict or community.

Leo Buscalia was a brilliant practitioner of embracing both the big and small tornadoes. If you know anything about Leo, you know he loved to hug. He knew a hug was a powerful tool to put love around life's painful or prickly moments.