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Dear Thelma: What is the proper way to thank a host for being so hospitable in letting you stay in their home for a few days? I want to do something really nice, and really show my gratitude.

Answer: A sincere note thanking them for their hospitality and a thoughtful gift are the best way to show your gratitude at the end of your stay, along with an invitation to a stay at your home, if that's possible.

It's great to think ahead in a situation like this. Once you are in the home and spending time with your hosts, you may not have the opportunity to shop for a gift. If you can, purchase the gift and wrappings before you leave home, and take with you the card and envelope you'll need to write the note at the end of the stay.

Since they've opened their home to you, I assume you know them fairly well. When considering a gift, think about their hobbies or things they enjoy. Do you know they enjoy wine? Add a bottle to their collection. Are they planning a trip? A book on their destination would be appreciated. Do they like to attend live performances? They might enjoy tickets to an event.

Even if you don't feel you know their personalities that well, you can come up with a thoughtful way to express your appreciation with a household item they can use, gift certificates or a basket of goodies.

If you aren't able to purchase a gift before or during your stay, have a flower arrangement or a potted plant delivered to them the next day.

Aside from a gift and note to express your gratitude, being a well-mannered guest is the best thing to do to show your thanks. Contact your hosts two weeks before your stay and remind them of your arrival and departure dates. A three- to four-day visit is the most you should spend under typical circumstances.

Throughout your stay, pick up after yourself. Make your bed and keep your living space clean. Bring your own toiletries rather than relying on your host for such.

Finally, help with the household chores where appropriate. Offer to make dinner for your hosts or treat them to a nice restaurant. Offering to pay for the groceries is another courteous option. Paying attention to these details will help ensure many happy returns.

When counting on the kindness of others, good manners never go out of style.