More Opinions Columnists

• V.B. Price: Preserving our water is greatest challenge the city, state faces
• Jeffry Gardner: End of The Trib is part of the demise of serious journalism
• Katherine Augustine: Time with friends from Japan provides treasured memories

MOST RECENT TRIB STORIES

• ABQTrib.com to remain available
  08:48 a.m., February 25, 2008
• Congressman is indicted
  08:37 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Series of attacks target Green Zone
  08:36 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Iran is defying U.N., agency says
  08:35 a.m., February 23, 2008
• Waterboarding approval probed
  08:34 a.m., February 23, 2008

TRIB IN THE BLOGOSPHERE*

• Ty Murray Invitational thrills fans in Albuquerque
• Is Rome Burning?
• Ominous Skies
• The Road to Invalidation
• Albuquerque company participates in “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”

*Note: The Tribune does not create and is not responsible for the blogosphere's headlines and stories. These links to blogs talking about ABQTrib.com are automatically generated. Use them at your own risk.

STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• Comments
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

SHARE THIS STORY [?]

I have to admit I'm a little nervous, what with it having been so long since I asked anybody out, but here goes: Tom Udall, will you go to the dance with me?

I know you don't want to break up with the U.S. House of Representatives. You guys have had a good thing, and you're sitting real pretty right now. I can't promise you nice things like that seat on the House Appropriations Subcommittee on Interior and the Environment. I can't even promise you'll have a seat when we get through. Just being honest.

But you see, I'm stuck in a hard place here. I was all ready to skip the U.S. Senate dance and spend my time elsewhere on the ballot, but the Senate theme got changed from "Coronation of St. Pete" to "Who Knows What the Heck is Gonna Happen?" — and I decided to go after all.

But the only people who will dance with me are some Don Wiviott guy I've barely heard of, and Marty Chavez. Yeah, that guy. More about him later.

Sure, I could get real crazy and end up with those Republicans, Heather Wilson or Steve Pearce, but I don't know if I can swing that way, if you know what I mean. I just couldn't respect myself holding hands with either of those two. It creeps me out just thinking about it.

But what really gives me the heebie-jeebies is the thought of going with Chavez. And, to be honest, Marty is why I'm coming, with sweaty palms and a boutonniere, to you. Dancing with Republicans might be creepy, but dancing with Republicans who pretend to be Democrats is far worse. I'd have to be mighty desperate to stick a flower on Marty's dress, and I don't want to be despairing enough even to think about it.

So help me out here, Tom. I know it sounds kind of weird asking a politician out for an election dance. It usually works the other way around, with untrustworthy egoists falling all over themselves running for office. But you're special. I really like the way the light hits your ever-so-slightly receding hairline. I like your sense of humor and that quirky little thing you do when you're talking. And, sure, I like you and your family's longtime dedication to the environment. You're a real Democrat, and I'm not just saying that because I'm asking you out and stuff. I mean it.

And if the flattery isn't working, how about the fact that Chavez said you were "too far to the left" and that he hopes you don't get into the race? With Democratic friends like Chavez, who needs enemies?

C'mon, Tom, go to the Senate dance with me, and we'll stomp on Marty in the primary as though we're pogo-dancing at a Sex Pistols concert.

We'll have a real good time, and besides a pretty flower to stick on your campaign dress, I'll buy you dinner at a really nice restaurant — but within contribution limits. So I'm asking, begging you almost: Tom, will you go to the dance with me?