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If destiny has a heart, then one day, comedian Kathy Griffin and I will be best friends forever.

We'll retire in Florida and play mahjongg while drinking the Pabst Blue Ribbon on tap at our swank retirement village.

Yeah, she's offensive and crass and catty, but that only endears her to me more.

Missing her performance here a few months ago was definitely a lowlight in my year, just ahead of potentially being laid off and accidentally poisoning my dogs.

Comfort for me came in the form of her sixth comedy special for Bravo, "Kathy Griffin: Straight to Hell" (7 p.m.).

It's her first stand-up special since the acceptance speech at the 2007 Creative Arts Emmy Awards where she said some rather naughty things that brought the ire of several religious groups down upon her.

Tonight, Griffin dishes right back at those meanies before a sold-out crowd in her hometown of Chicago.

Griffin shares her always delightful take on celebrities, including Barbara Walters, Paris Hilton, Paula Abdul and Dr. Phil, who she says is "not even a real shrink. I think he's a botanist!"

I think my future BFF is going to tick off the entire world one day.

Isn't she wonderful?

Attention, "Friday Night Lights" fans.

There's a new show covering a Southern town's unhealthy obsession with its high school football team.

"Varsity Inc." (9 p.m., ESPN2), a six-part reality series, is an inside look at the West Monroe High School Rebels as the six-time Louisiana state champions look to stay on top of the football heap.

They're certainly not as soap-opera-ish as the Dillon Panthers have become on "Lights," and you'll get to see some football in this one.

When "Big Shots" (9 p.m., KOAT-Channel 7) premiered, I absolutely loathed it.

The premise of four powerful dudes trying to channel "Sex and the City" didn't fly with me. I just wanted to yell "Grow up!" at the lot of them.

That hatred has dimmed to a dull roar as the holiday season approaches and its chances of survival grow slim.

Think of me as a kinder, gentler TV columnist.

In tonight's episode, Duncan (Dylan McDermott) tests his sense of adventure as he goes to great lengths to reclaim his title at Reveal Cosmetics.

Then spineless Karl (Joshua Malina) confronts his past when his high school bully makes a bid for membership at his country club.

Good luck, Mr. Wimpy Cheater Man. You're going to need it.