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Dear Thelma: My children are in fifth and second grades, and parent-teacher conferences are around the corner. Usually my children are doing fine, and so that is what is said, and that's the end of the conference. What should I be doing to get the conversation flowing?

Answer: The best way to approach a parent-teacher conference is to do your homework.

Make a true effort yourself to prepare for the conference and be ready to stimulate a dialogue between you and the teacher.

Prepare by observing your children doing their homework. Make of note which types of assignments excite them and which types send their minds wandering. Listen to them talk about school and about what they like or dislike.

Also, ask your kids if there is anything they'd like you to ask or to tell the teacher. Talk with them about the conference and assure them they shouldn't feel anxious or worried about it. If they seem overly worried, try to engage them in a conversation that will bring out their fear or a problem at school that they haven't yet shared with you.

Before each conference, write down your questions, concerns and observations. Add to your list any significant changes or events in each child's life that it would be important for the teacher to know - things like an illness or death in the family, a move or a divorce.

Also list questions you have about what the teacher observes while your child is at school. Is he focused? What types of assignments does she seem to like most? Are there any behavioral issues the child is working on that you can reinforce at home?

By writing down your list of items, you'll be less likely to forget something. You also can refer to it if the conversation comes to a halt but you still feel the need to continue the dialogue.

On conference day, be on time for your scheduled appointment and be ready to give your attention to the task at hand. If you bring your child with you, be sure that her presence doesn't keep you from focusing.

Listen carefully to the teacher's assessment of your child and look carefully at any work samples the teacher has from your child. Use these as the springboard for your conversation. Refer to your list when necessary.

Do watch the time and make every effort not to let your appointment stray into the next parent's time slot. If you have more to discuss, make an appointment then with the teacher to further the conversation.