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Dear Thelma: I read your last column regarding parent-teacher conferences and hoped you could address a follow-up question.

I don't agree with some of the teaching and discipline methods my daughter's teacher uses.

For example, during a science project, she gave an entire group an F because of one of the member's misbehavior. The misbehaving student was told several times to raise her hand and be acknowledged before speaking out. She did not change her behavior, and the entire class was told to write 100 times: "Susan will raise her hand before speaking."

I want to voice my concerns, because I don't feel this approach adds anything to my daughter's educational experience, and it doesn't seem to faze the offender, but I don't want to cause any problems for my daughter.

Is there a proper way to approach this?

Answer: If you can take your emotion out of this situation, there is a way to approach it in a manner that expresses your concerns, opens dialogue with the teacher and keeps things positive.

Make an appointment to meet with the teacher one-on-one. If she asks why, tell her you'd like to discuss some experiences in the classroom that have been difficult for your daughter.

Approach the meeting with a desire to learn why the teacher uses the methods she does and how you can work together to help your daughter achieve success. Write down your values, expectations and concerns, and be ready to express them without sounding accusatory or defensive.

Once in the conference, let the teacher know you are there because you value your daughter's education and appreciate that the teacher is an important part of your daughter's life. Explain your values and expectations, and then describe the methods that you find troubling. Ask the teacher if you've understood the situations and the resulting discipline correctly from your daughter, and ask the teacher to explain the use of the methods.

Listen to the answers and make an effort to engage in a conversation that helps you understand where the teacher is coming from. Be prepared for the possibility that your conversation will not change the way she disciplines.

Don't accuse her of causing difficulty but express that you want to know what you can do to help accomplish what is best for your child.

At the very least, the conversation should help you understand the reasons behind the methods and help you explain them to your daughter if they come up again.

Keep the conversation non-confrontational and highly respectful. This is the person you trust to watch over your child for the majority of the day. She deserves your respect and consideration, even if you disagree with the discipline.

When asking the tough questions, good manners never go out of style.