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Dear Thelma: My husband and I have been invited to a quincea¤era by some neighbors who we don't know well. We would like to give an appropriate present to the honoree.

I read a little and see a strong religious emphasis on gifts, but it is not my faith, and I would feel uneasy about guessing what would be good. Would a cash gift be acceptable?

Answer: As more quinceañeras are now celebrated in the United States, more questions are being asked about them. A quincea¤era is a rite of passage typically celebrated by Hispanic families to honor a daughter's 15th birthday, symbolizing the end of her childhood and beginning of her life as a young woman.

Many of the gifts you see mentioned with the strong religious emphasis are the traditional symbolic gifts given by family and godparents. They can include a tiara symbolizing the girl being a princess before God; a ring representing commitment to God; a religious medal as an expression of faith; a Bible to keep the word of God in her life; earrings as a reminder to listen to the word of God or a scepter representing the young woman's authority and responsibility for her own life.

Outside of the religious and cultural emphasis of the quincea¤era, the event is also a 15th birthday party. You can select your gift with that in mind, and as you know, most 15-year-olds do appreciate cash. A gift certificate also would be a good choice.

Dear Thelma: My family recently received in the mail a printed postcard announcement of the impending birth of a cousin's first child. The baby is due in 2008 and we live in the same city as the expectant parents and see them several times a year.

While pleased that they are expecting, I find the announcement of a baby through a printed postcard to be rude, impersonal and tacky. They couldn't take five minutes to pick up the phone and tell us? My husband's view is "at least they told us," and he thinks I'm making too big a deal out of the postcard announcement. The couple is in their early 20s. Is this a new trend among young people?

Answer: You should be pleased you didn't receive the announcement via text message. I suspect the excited first-time parents wanted to inform a large number of people simultaneously. They also cared enough to design and mail a postcard when they could have sent out a mass e-mail.

In this modern age, our social networks are huge, and communication often is expected to be instantaneous. I think they did their best. I'm with your husband on this one.

Accepting the good news for what it is and good manners never go out of style.