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The Linz: Aggies have the yards, we have the yard sales
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The Aggies are coming. The Aggies are coming. And The Linz knows exactly what to do.
Hide your pets.
Take in your garbage cans.
Have a garage sale.
For some reason, all New Mexico State Aggies love garage sales, and you can push just about any hunk of junk you want onto them.
They like things that are hard to find in Las Cruces. Things like:
Indoor plumbing fixtures.
A good education.
Books without pictures. (Not that they know what to do with such books.)
Their father.
A winning college football team.
A scholarship athlete without an arrest record.
But if you are planning to have a garage sale to dupe these visitors from Cruces, you have to be able to recognize an Aggie when he pulls up to your yard.
You know, just in case the Clovis Wildcats or the Hobbs Eagles also are in town.
The Aggie likely will be in a pickup that has a bumper sticker on it saying, "Honk if you love Hal Mumme," or "My correctional facility son can kick the crud out of your honor student."
The Aggie will have a dog in the bed of the pickup and a significant other riding shotgun. Or vice versa. The Linz has no tips for distinguishing the dog from the significant other.
The Linz isn't sure the Aggie can tell the difference, either.
The last time an Aggie pulled into The Linz's yard sale, the conversation went like this:
Linz:"Welcome to Albuquerque, Aggie. What might your name be?"
Aggie: "Well, my name might be a lot of things."
Linz: "OK, what is your name?"
Aggie: "My name is Billy Joe and this here is my girl, Betty Joe, and that there is my dog, Lobo."
Linz: "Isn't it odd for an Aggie to call his dog Lobo?"
Aggie: "Not really. His IQ is 30 points higher than mine."
The Linz staggered out of the gates to post an awful 4-4 mark. The Linz was about as bad as the Lobos offense at UTEP.
Here are The Linz Gems for this week with home teams in capital letters:
Manzano by 6 over VALLEY - 7 tonight, Milne: The Linz hears that Manzano coach Aaron O-Camp-Out-At-The-Buffet is going on a hunger strike until another media outlet picks up The Linz's hilarious column. Of course, a hunger strike for O-Camp-Out means letting one person go ahead of him in the buffet line.
CLOVIS by 28 over Eldorado - 7 p.m. Friday: There is one good thing about opening your high school football coaching career on the road at Clovis. At the end of the day, Eagles coach Charlie Dotson will be looking at Clovis in the rearview mirror - the only way to really enjoy Clovis.
La Cueva by 21 over LOS LUNAS - 7 p.m. Friday: The Mallers parents always hate a road trip to Los Lunas. No valet parking at the stadium and the concession stand doesn't take Visa Gold cards.
Del Norte by 6 over ALBUQUERQUE HIGH - 7 p.m. Friday, Milne: OK, maybe there are worse offenses in town than the Lobos'.
Aggies by 7 over LOBOS - 7:30 p.m. Saturday, University Stadium: The Linz isn't sure that Lobos offensive coordinator Dave Baldwin understood what Rocky 3rd-And-Long meant when he asked Baldwin to lead UNM's Big-O. The Linz thinks Baldwin believes that's how many points Long wanted on the scoreboard.
OTHER GAMES
Tonight
MAYFIELD by 7 over El Paso Montwood
Friday
ONATE by 1 over Rio Grande
HIGHLAND by 30 over West Mesa
ARTESIA by 40 over Hobbs
BLOOMFIELD by 1 over West Las Vegas
Moriarty by 3 over CAPITAL
AZTEC by 14 over Belen
Tucumcari by 3 over ESPANOLA
FORT SUMNER by 6 over Carrizozo
Gallup by 1 over GRANTS
HOT SPRINGS by 9 over Deming
LOS ALAMOS by 2 over St. Mike's
Saturday
CIBOLA by 24 over Piedra Vista
Rio Rancho by 14 over ROSWELL
HATCH by 17 over Albuquerque Academy
Clayton by 4 over NAVAJO PREP
The Lindsey Line appears Thursday during the high school football season. It is intended as a humorous feature written by Trib columnist Richard Stevens. If you want to respond to The Linz, you can e-mail The Great One at rstevens@abqtrib.com.
