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Director Mike Davis combines intrigue and suspense in this taut, politically charged thriller that brings to mind the finest works of Alfred Hitchcock and . . .

Just kidding. Actually, in the time it took to read that cheesy lead, Clive Owen's Mr. Smith could have killed 30 blank-faced bad guys. With a carrot.

Seriously. By the time the closing credits roll on "Shoot 'Em Up," Owen's character has killed about 150 henchmen. He's stabbed them through the head with carrots (Smith's always munching on carrots), hit some with a car, thrown others out of a plane into spinning helicopter blades and blam-blam-blammed the rest until the screen's a stinky, smoky, happy mess.

If ever the word flick applied, it's here.

A few more? OK. Smith kills about a dozen guys while having sex. In the first 10 minutes of "Shoot 'Em Up," he delivers a stranger's baby while holding off hordes of hitmen by shooting them all in the head. He cuts the umbilical cord by blasting that, too.

The baby, by the way, loves all this violence. Play some punk rock or show him how a safety works and he grins like every mother with a camera wishes her infant would. (Turn the TV to some pro-gun-control wussy politician, and suddenly you've got a crier on your hands.)

It enhances the fun significantly to have two fantastic actors gorging on all this irreverence. Coolest-guy-ever Owen makes a perfect Hero With No Name (unless Smith actually is his name; no one seems to believe this). And Paul Giamatti is a weird and wonderful pick as Smith's ruthless foe, Hertz. He's clearly relishing the chance to play a character who isn't some shlub trying to land a better-looking woman.

These men should both be Oscar winners already - that's the talent blasting away in "Shoot 'Em Up." Owen was sensational in "Closer," but lost to Morgan Freeman. And it isn't remotely fair that Giamatti didn't even get nominations for "American Splendor" or "Sideways."

They're fighting over the baby, safely wrapped in a bullet-proof vest and often tucked against Monica Bellucci's most crucial assets. (No, not her lips.) Apparently, some politician has some agenda that involves babies being killed. It makes about as much sense as the ratings for "American Idol," which has to be the point.

Check those end credits, and it turns out only five characters have actual names. The cast is huge, but they're all listed as "Man Who Rides Shotgun," "Killer Shot in Behind" or "Ugly Toenails Hood."

They weren't long for this world anyway, and at least they didn't die in vain. Just in pain. What a blast this flick is.