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Dear Thelma: I'm having a dinner party and am obliged to invite the spouse of one of my best friends. The problem is he monopolizes every conversation. I honestly think he is the reason people leave before they really have to. Is there anything I can do about this, besides not inviting him?

Answer: As the host, it is your responsibility to make sure all your guests enjoy themselves. To keep the party moving and conversation flowing sometimes might require a good host to cut off someone who has assumed too much control.

When a topic is exhausted, is inappropriate, is upsetting to someone, or if too few of the other guests have knowledge or interest in it, it is perfectly acceptable for the host to step in.

Of course, you must strive to do so politely. You might try interjecting and inviting another guest to offer an opinion - "Kate, I'd like to hear your opinion on that." - with the hope Kate takes the opportunity to steer the conversation in another direction.

The situation sometimes might require a more direct statement paired with another subject to keep the conversation flowing - "I think we might have exhausted this subject. And before the night is over, I want to hear about Tristan's trip to Rome."

The host also might use a tradition that began in the early 19th century, in which conversation partners around a dinner table switch after each course. After the first course is brought out, the host would turn to speak to the guest at his right. Conversational parings then form to the right around the table. When the second course is brought in, the host turns to his left and everyone else switches accordingly, and so on throughout the meal.

I too have experienced what your question describes, and I find it hard to believe the monopolizers don't know they're guilty of this impoliteness. A group of us once decided to take an offender on and worked together to politely steer the conversation elsewhere. The saddest thing I've found is that conversation hogs might not be invited back because they've made parties so uncomfortable.

Of course, we can all stand to improve our conversation skills. Before attending a party or event, think about what a good conversationalist does.

She can talk about a broad range of subjects and shows sincere interest in other people and their pursuits and pastimes. He can sense when he is boring people by their glassy stares and fidgeting feet and is quick to change the subject or launch the ball into another's court.