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I have now seen four episodes of "Criss Angel: Mindfreak" (8 p.m., A&E) and think that the magician may be the neediest person on the planet, replacing the crying 3-year-old I hung out with last week. I've never seen someone so desperate for attention.

The "postmodern Houdini," when he's not oozing neediness from every pore, does put on a good reality show though. Tonight, he makes it all about his loyal fans with illusions and surprises.

He reads their letters and recalls the craziest things they've done to try to meet him. I imagine women lifting their shirts is probably one of the more frequent and mundane events. He also tests their knowledge of the show, giving the winner a trip to Barbados. One lucky fan gets a car that Criss produces out of thin air.

I'm a fan! Give me car! I'll never call you needy or desperate again - at least not until after I get a new car.

The title character on "House" (8 p.m., KASA-Channel 2) is generally the rudest man on the show. Dr. Gregory House (Hugh Laurie) makes everyone around him cringe when he starts in with his barbs and putdowns. I love it - although if he were my boss or co-worker, I might have to duct-tape his yapper shut.

In this episode, House meets his mini-me, Nate (Nick Lane), a teenage chess prodigy whose loathsome behavior could be a symptom of his illness.

Nate's at the hospital because after winning a chess match he clubbed his opponent with a clock and then beat him bloody before collapsing from head pains.

I never knew chess could be so interesting or that it was a contact sport. Silly me.

House's crack team of minions makes a differential diagnosis and an initial conclusion of cluster headaches, which they believe might be causing Nate's aggressive personality. Nate's poor, beaten-down mom is hopeful that the treatments might alter her son's obnoxious personality for the better.

Of course, it doesn't take long for House to realize the original diagnosis is wrong and that Nate is lots more fun to be around than House's kinder colleagues.

One of them, Dr. Foreman (Omar Epps), is trying to flee House's sphere of influence, only to find that he's being sabotaged while looking for a new job. He accuses House of doing it and then all the accusations and insults really start flying.

Let the finger-pointing fun begin.