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Steve Brewer: Watch TV? I have other things to do

The Home Front

By Steve Brewer
Thursday, February 7, 2008

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When the cocktail chatter turns to favorite TV shows, I'm one of those snobs who says: "I don't really watch TV. Just one or two shows, some sports. I'm much too busy reading Proust."

I was forced to re-examine my viewing habits during the 17-hour Super Bowl extravaganathon, when I realized I was eating lunch on the sofa in front of something called the "Pre-Kick Show."

The Super Bowl is a special occasion, of course, and my body soon will spring back from its loathsome, bloated condition, but the game hype sure upped my TV viewing hours for the week. I even watched the commercials (the Super Bowl is the only time when ads aren't muted at our house) and the halftime show.

(Tom Petty seemed relatively lifelike, but the Heartbreakers looked more like the Heartpatients, didn't they? When did those guys get so old? I don't mean oh-my-God-it-must-be-special-effects-Keith-Richards old, but still. I'm grateful there were no wardrobe malfunctions.)

I'm not a rabid football fan, though I have been known to get caught up in a game. My wife gets flinchy on weekends because of the sudden shouting. I once jumped up to signal "Touchdown!" and nearly had my hands hacked off by a ceiling fan.

During fall and winter, I spend weekends sprawled in front of televised football, but the rest of the year is off-season. I watch basketball, sure, pros and college, and March Madness can get a little intense around here, but I've never really cared for baseball or any other sport you can play while chewing tobacco, so the summers are clear. I watch the World Series — I am a red-blooded American — and maybe the pennant races. But that's it. OK, the Olympics. And the World Cup. A little tennis. But no auto racing. And no fishing shows. A man's got to draw the line somewhere.

Other than sports, I hardly ever watch TV. Unless there's a good movie on. We get one of those services that delivers DVDs right to your mailbox, so there's almost always a movie available. But I still prowl the satellite channels, in the eternal hope that I'll find a movie I haven't seen already.

I stay away from TV during weekdays, except for the hour I spend on the treadmill in the garage. We've got a TV hooked up out there, and I like to watch action movies or old episodes of "24" while I'm torturing myself on the treadmill. Makes the time pass quicker.

(A drinking game to play while watching "24": Knock one back every time Jack Bauer says "Now!" Be sure to designate a driver first.)

In the evening, I like to watch "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report" on Comedy Central, and the real news, local and national. I feel those of us who work at home must do what we can to keep up with the news, even if it means enduring TV bubbleheads.

I watch "Jeopardy" while waiting for something good to come on. Doesn't everyone? Once in a while, I'll accidentally catch a little "Oprah" or "Judge Judy" while awaiting the news.

Some evenings, I'm just too pooped to read Proust or clean house or engage in conversation with my family. Those nights, I like to "veg" in front of the TV, and I'm not choosy. I recently found myself watching a travel show about Slovenia. The bridges of Ljubljana were quite lovely.

But usually, I don't watch TV. There's never anything good on.