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"Celebrity Apprentice" (8 p.m., KOB-Channel 4) unleashes a new season, just as I was beginning to miss it.

Donald Trump's competition series features business-themed battles with 14 celebrities, including country singer Trace Adkins; rocker Gene Simmons; actors Stephen Baldwin and Marilu Henner; model-actress Carol Alt; and reality show fixtures Omarosa and Piers Morgan.

In tonight's premiere, the pampered celebs choose team captains and try their hands at the art of selling hot dogs.

Being famous has its perks, and the candidates are so not afraid to use their connections to sell their wieners at $5,000 and $10,000 apiece.

For that price, those babies had better come with sauerkraut and not make me fat.

"Speeders" (7 p.m., TruTV) is a show that really doesn't display Americans at their best.

The reality series follows police as as they pull over unsuspecting speeders who come up with some of the lamest excuses ever in their attempts to get out of tickets.

Of course, there are the funny people who simply accept their punishment, and while the cop is writing them a ticket they talk to the cameraman.

One woman actually explained her recipe for collard greens which are so good that they make you want to "smack your mother."

I bet they're tastier than those celebrity-pimped hot dogs that Gene Simmons is hawking.

On a "Desperate Housewives" rerun (9 p.m., KOAT-Channel 7), a wicked tornado strikes Wisteria Lane.

I wish that the tornado would smite Susan (Teri Hatcher) from my screen, but alas, it's not meant to be.

A couple of other characters shuffle off this mortal coil, though, one of them enduring death by white picket fence post.

Meanwhile, overbearing Katherine (Dana Delaney) learns the truth about the relationship between her hubby, Adam (Nathan Fillion), and his stalker.

The unfortunate confession comes while she's trapped in a closet with Bree (Marcia Cross), Adam, Orson (Kyle MacLachlan), baby Benjamin and his stinky diaper.

Good times to be had by all.